I think it's time I made a post about religion. So don't hate me for posting my views here 'k? ^^
Technically, I'm Roman Catholic. Not that I enjoy it. I am Catholic (by baptism) because it was a necessity. A necessity to graduate from that crappy school run by the Hijas de Jesus nuns. Most people have it lucky since they were baptized by the time they reached their first birthday. I wasn't.
When I was in the 1st grade, I was transferred by my mother to a Catholic school. I was in a Protestant-run school in preschool and I
loved the atmosphere there... in the Church, the Sunday school, the Bible study sessions... Just imagine at the tender age of 6/7 being uprooted from that environment and forced into something alien.
Most Catholics never had a recollection of being baptized, being babies when the sacrament was performed. But I was fully aware of what was happening. I hated it. I was forced into a frilly pink dress, dragged into the Church, and with my (crying) little sisters, was baptized. The priest poured water on my head (it was cold!) and my sisters just wouldn't stop screaming. I was afraid even before the 'holy' water made contact. I watched this old Filipino flick the night before that had a monster turn to stone when doused with holy water and the water jug was in the shape of a little baby... So like the little child I was, I thought that if I made contact with the water, I'd turn into stone.
Haha.
My mother went to Church regularly back then. But it was more like a force of habit than real faith. My grandparents were Buddhist, and my mother and father baptized at birth (as society dictated back then). Making the transition to Roman Catholicism was hard for me. Until the present, I still disagree with many of the Church teachings and traditions. In fact, one day I'll do a little spiritual searching to find myself and my inner spirituality. Unfortunately, this best time to do so, being in college and all. I hardly have time to think about prayer.
And my roommate is extremely religious to the point of fanaticism. The thought of being like that, being self-righteaous and being all high and mighty turned me away from the Catholicism Filipinos practice. As if it has become a cultural and social identity for the Filipino Catholics. But I dare ask, do they have real commitment to their faith? Do they really believe in the teachings? Or are they just in it because there is nothing else and everyone else is Catholic so they had to be Catholic too? My roommate is like that. I'd given up hope in her years ago. She joins so many religious organizations and helps out, doing relief missions for the poor (as if the poor Filipinos didn't bring that upon themselves).
I realize I am jaded, to the point of being uncaring of my countrymen's situation. But with a roommate like her who constantly complains about not having enough time to study because of her org commitments (who asked her to join them all?) and it has become irritating. Irritating enough as I find myself blocking out her ramblings and blindly nodding and agreeing to something I didn't truly hear. But enough about her; I'll save that for a later entry.
Michael Gallagher once defined the phenomenon of unbelief and its different forms. And also what unbelief is not.
Atheism is an outright denial of the existence of God, often implying a conscious and intellectually grounded choice.
Unbelief, also coined as Non-belief (althought Philosophy would define otherwise, i'll try to differentiate the two in another entry), means the absence or rejection of religious faith.
Practical Atheism is the emphasis on the lived dimension, like of the consumerist lifestyles which block the possibility of faith.
Agnosticism, which is used by T.H. Huxley in 1869 to signify that one does know and cannot know whether God exists: hence relgious truth can neither be affirmed or denied.
Indifference, as the term states, an attitude of disinterest in God or faith, rather than an intellectual stance. Also used when church embodiments of religion seem irrelevant or unreal.
Doubt, is being caught between contrary and conflicting judgments over the reality of God. And I may add,
secular humanism, wherein the assertion that science and human values are sufficient to make sense of life, and indeed that to believe in God is an escape from human responsibility and dignity.
I am not Atheist, because I do not deny the existence of god, neither am I Agnostic (like some of my peers are). I swing between
indifference and
secular humanism. I may believe in a higher power, but I don't think it is practical to let our lives revolve around a Church that dictates how we should worship and how we should run things (take their stance on population control ::headdesks:
. Rather, I'm being painfully realistic that in my current situation, religion will get me nowhere. I do not want to use religion as a way to escape the terrible indignity of being human (and living in a poor country and being female to boot) and as a way out of getting out of responsibility or like my roommate, make it an excuse for not doing well in academics.
It is a painful decision. And it might sound pessimistic. But it's real. And I can't do a damn thing about it.
